Knight Owl's Review of Interstellar; I'm going to try SCIENCE!

I don't even know how to talk about how good this movie is.

I guess I'll start with coming clean about a bias I have when it comes to Christopher Nolan. It's a sure bet that I will love anything the man does, because I trust him implicitly. Yes, it does have a lot to do with the fact that he is responsible for arguably the greatest interpretation of my favourite character of pop culture. But, taking my love for all things Dark Knight out of the equation, Nolan's work is pretty consistently spot-on. Memento. The Prestige. Inception. Insomnia. All of his work is darkly beautiful and intensely cerebral. Interstellar keeps the trend going but changes the pace, for better or worse.

Because of how the film tells this story, the synopsis will have to be brief. Basically, Earth is on its way out, and Cooper (Matthew McConaughey) (Gods, that name is a nightmare to spell) is the pilot of a mission to find the human race some new digs. Sounds simple, yes? Nope. Like I said, Nolan's works tend to be thinkers. Pieces are put into play throughout the film that causes the audience to constantly question the path that the film is taking. The what's and the why's of the film are everchanging until the very end, and even then some is left to interpretation. In many ways it is like Inception, only Interstellar is in for the long con.

Interstellar may follow the same patterns as Nolan's previous works, but throws in something I didn't even realize wasn't there before: emotion. This film is as heartwrenchingly tragic as it is complex, which, in my eyes, is a huge step for Nolan; for all my praise I've always felt his films to be, I dunno...cold, I guess. His films have always focused on the puzzle being solved to take a hard look at those solving it. Interstellar puts the players under a microscope and not only has the audience empathizing with the characters, but has that emotion play a huge part in the telling of the story.

A lot of credit for this emotional element of the film goes to the actors. Everyone knows that Mr. 3xAlright is on a hot streak lately with taking home the Oscar for Dallas Buyers Club (well deserved, btw), and while I don't think that he'll be taking another one home for this I do think his portrayal of Cooper as a family man whose duty to the human race tears him from his children is more than adequate and at times heartbreaking. Anne Hathaway's performance of Brand, a scientist along for the ride with Cooper, is also very effective as sharing the duties with him without his emotional attachment. The pairing drives much of the film as they are very much opposite sides of the same coin; on the same side but with nearly opposing motivations. Nolan film mainstay Michael Caine brings his usual gravitas to the film as Prof. Brand, Hathaway's father and designer of the mission. The performances he gives in Nolan's films makes you forget you're watching a sci-fi movie about finding a new world, or a man dressing up as a bat, for example.

With what filmmakers have to work with these days, there's no excuse for a film to not look great when it has a budget. So when I say that Interstellar is fucking gorgeous, I want you to understand my full meaning. If Gravity hadn't come out last year, this film would have been the best looking piece of cinema I've seen in a good long while. That being said, I'm very happy I didn't see it in IMAX or anything. Gravity nearly killed me. Speaking of which, I could see how one might compare Interstellar with the hit space drama of last year, but don't be fooled: while Gravity was breathtaking and beautiful and fucking terrifying, the synopsis of that film is essentially 'Miss Congeniality has a VERY BAD DAY'. Interstellar not only has a plot, but it's a complex plot with multiple layers and lots going on. Gravity was pretty. Interstellar is smart and pretty. Basically, Interstellar is my fiancee. Gravity is my fiancee when she's sleeping: nice to look at, not a lot going on, and if something bad happens, you may die.

The major gripe I've heard about this film from the media is that the science isn't real, or is at least incorrect. To which I say GOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK YOURSELF. It's a goddamn movie, people. No one is saying that when the time comes to fuck the lemons and bail that this movie is telling us how to do so. This is the first time, that I'm aware of, that the science of a SCIENCE FICTION film has been held up to such a standard, and it's bullshit because if this was done by someone else, no one would say shit. Roland Emmerich blows up the White House every other year with aliens or natural disasters or whatever, no one cares. Mark Ruffalo blows up to become a living green mountain of rage, people shrug and be like 'comic books, am I right?' How is Michael Bay still alive with these people so angry about mishandled science in a film? In an interview, even Nolan himself calls them out for it, saying that for whatever reason his films are held at a higher standard, despite the fact that all of his films feature plot hooks that are very much impossible and considered the same 'movie magic' that allows us to believe that Tony Stark actually has Iron Man armor, or that Jon Favreau actually has had sex with both Scarlett Johansson and Sofia Vergara (check out Chef, it's pretty good). Also, if Neil DeGrasse Tyson is cool with the film (see here) then I don't know what else there is to say.

OK, I'm done kissing this movie's ass and am ready to scold it a bit here. This shit is long, folks. A little short of 3 hours from top to bottom, and it feels like it before the end. It's helpful knowing that before going in, but there are a couple of emotionally exhausting scenes where you hope the film will wrap up soon after and it doesn't. Few films have tired me out emotionally like Interstellar (a compliment) but the length of the film didn't allow me to catch my breath, leading me to my other major complaint. This movie was so far over my head that even if I wanted to spoil the shit out of it to you guys, I really don't think I could. And I don't feel like I'm alone here either. Interstellar doesn't have the mass appeal that Inception does, and certainly not as much as the Dark Knight films. In many ways, Interstellar is Nolan's best work. But I'd struggle to call it my favourite film of his, even disregarding The Dark Knight. There's also a secondary problem involving the sound mixing of the film, which Nolan copped to. His goal was to use speech as a sound effect amidst the chaos of the film during the more tense scenes, leading to the realism of the film. He wanted the audience to experience the moment how the characters were, all loud noises without being able to hear each other effectively. It's true, and effective, but incredibly distracting at times. Knowing it was on purpose makes it better, but not by much. It's a good thing the music is pretty.

I've been really inconsistent this year with my reviews. Most of it is my fault. With being a grown-up, having a fucked up schedule and not a lot of readers to attend to, my motivation has been lacking. Another reason is that this year has been wholly unremarkable for film. But that makes Interstellar that much more remarkable to me. It is a true masterpiece of art, beauty, intelligence and emotion, and evidence that a filmmaker can noticeably evolve. I don't know if Nolan will win any awards for this, but Interstellar helps cement my belief that he is one of the greatest working directors in the world today, maybe ever.

And if not, we'll always have Batman.

Knight Owl

Knight Owl's Review of Gone Girl; A Love Letter to David Fincher.

The Mass Effect trilogy has taken over my life, and I feel horrible about it.

In an effort to break my newly developed obsession with all the elevator riding and hooking up with not-real women that make Mass Effect worth playing, I dragged Mandi out to a film that she had already seen, based on a book that she had already read in Gone Girl. She was happy to go though, just to see my reaction to the film. She was not disappointed.

I've been looking forward to this film for a while for two main reasons. One, I'm an Affleck enthusiast. I'm a huge advocate for him being Batman, I've enjoyed all his directorial efforts, and I even liked him in Daredevil. So clearly I'll watch him in anything. The second, and bigger, reason is that I believe that David Fincher is one of the greatest film makers of his generation. I really don't think he's made a bad film yet, and that's not something I can say about most directors. The only other director off the top of my head is Christopher Nolan, but I can admit to being super biased on that one. Fincher's work is both high-quality and consistent. Always visually stimulating, stylistic, and raw, while also appealing to mass audiences. His partnership with Trent Reznor has made for some great film scores, and I don't usually notice or care much about music in film. Everyone loves Fight Club, Seven is one of my all time favorite films ever, and I sincerely thing Alien 3 is underrated considering it was his first film ever. Fincher is one of the greats in Hollywood right now, and Gone Girl helps cement that fact.

Putting it simply, this film is a twisty mindfuck of a great story about horrible people. It plays with the idea that the presentation of oneself does not always truly reflect who they are, and the person underneath can be so much worse than 'normal'. The story, in its simplest form so as to not spoil anything, surrounds a husband (Affleck) leading the search for his missing wife (Rosamund Pike) but as the search continues details arise that suggest ol' Batfleck himself is the villain of the piece. The progression of the film encourages viewers to make assumptions and predictions just so the next revelation can flip them on their heads. It's a quality that I really loved in the film, but also led to an important realization that I feel is necessary to share: every character in this film is a bad person.

There is no traditional protagonist, and any time when I felt myself empathizing with a character I was guilty about it. I don't know what to do with that, but by the end of the film I was thankful for it. This allows the audience to want to step back and just become engrossed with the big picture, as opposed to the 'my favorite character' mentality. Basically, it made every scene important, not just the scenes with a particular character.

The actors sell this film so well. Affleck was perfect as Nick Dunne, the confused and concerned husband that can't properly react to his wife missing. The character being unable to appear sympathetic or have any common sense whatsoever only confuses those around him, as well as the audience, leading his guilt to be apparent (but not really). Also, I may never be able to see Rosamund Pike the same way again after this film. Her performance as Amy Dunne through this film is incredible. She transforms so much through the film that you have no idea how to feel about her until the end.  The cast is rounded out by Carrie Coon as Nick's supportive sister Margo, the closest thing to a good person in the ensemble; Tyler 'Madea' Perry as the arrogant but successful defense attorney; Kim Dickens and The Kid From Almost Famous as the detectives working the case, trying oh so hard to keep up with everything and failing; and always appreciated appearances from Neil Patrick Harris and Casey Wilson (AKA Penny from Happy Endings!).

A really good thriller is hard to come by these days. I can't remember the last time I saw one that drew me in like Gone Girl did. Mandi can attest to the amount of 'Holy Shit!' exclamations I made in the packed theater (in which we were the youngest people by about 70 years). This film will cause you to think the whole way through, making the time fly. It is another true testament to David Fincher's ability, a man who made a movie about Facebook interesting. I can't wait to see it again to be honest, hopefully with people who haven't just to see their reactions. At the very least, anyone who watches this film will think twice about pissing off their significant others.

I need to know where Mandi is at all times now.

Knight Owl

Turning Coat: Examples Of How TV Is Kicking Film's Ass.

I don't know if you've noticed, but this year's summer blockbuster season has kind of sucked.

Seriously, the main reason I haven't been posting is because there hasn't been anything to talk about. I've been going to movies and have left uninspired (save for Guardians of the Galaxy, but if the box office rankings are to be believed you don't need me to tell you how awesome that movie is). So, while I leave the theatre mostly unfulfilled and waiting for inspiration to hit me so I can once again address the millions (AND MILLIONS) of Knight Owl's fans, I have also been catching up on my television. And now, I'm again inspired.

The debate has raged on for decades about which is the better forum between film and television. Up until this year, I was firmly on the Film side of the argument. However, more and more high quality shows have been released over the past few years, raising the bar for TV while the same bar for film remains untouched. This year subjected us to a fourth Transformers movie, a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot featuring Megan "Michael Bay is a nazi" Fox, and sequels to 300 and Sin City that came six years too late. On the flip side, TV has graced us with shows such as those featured on this list.

Now, as of this writing, the Emmy's were on maybe a week ago. Jim Parsons won the award for Lead Male in Comedy for The Big Bang Theory, which at this point should just be renamed "The Jim Parsons Award for Being Jim Parsons". Modern Family won for outstanding comedy series for the fourth or fifth year in a row, which is ridiculous but hard to argue with. Breaking Bad (which you might see on this list) was another big winner of several awards, most of which I agree with, but not all. The reason I bring this up is because in no way does any award show influence my opinion on what is 'good', or the shows that have swayed my opinion on TV over film. All of these choices are, as always, personal and subjective. Not everyone will agree with me and that's fine. I do urge you to give these shows a chance though. I did, and they didn't disappoint.

On with it, shall we?

The Captain Obvious Award for Show that I don't need to tell everyone how awesome it is because everyone already watches it: GAME OF THRONES

If you don't know what show I'm talking about, I have no words for you. But it's easy to be as good a show as GoT is with a prewritten plotline and maybe the biggest budget a TV show has ever seen. Here's the thing though: too many shows have only one or two lynch pin characters holding everything together (we'll call this the Sheldon Position). GoT has an entire roster of characters that are focal to the story, that people want to see, and that are in no way safe from being arbitrarily killed off at a moment's notice. It adds to the urgency and appeal of a show that could easily be very, very hard to watch. Now, many blowhard diehard fans get furious at the fact that the show deviates from the books in big, bad ways. I say that's fucking GREAT. Deviation from original material should be a good thing, as long as it's done right (Example: The Dark Knight Trilogy). It keeps the show from getting predicable for the book readers while also keeping them invested, since the overall themes of the books are still upheld. Hell, the changes might be improvements considering there are times when those books are fucking unreadable.

Also, Ramsay Snow FTW.

The Good Night, Sweet Prince Award for Show ending this year: BREAKING BAD

There is an approximate fuck ton of shows wrapping up this year, something I intend to address at year's end, but none will be missed more than the six season story of a mild mannered chemistry teacher-turned- chaotic evil drug lord Walter White. Many shows feature story arcs that only span a season, if that; problem is introduced, problem escalates, problem is solved with nearly no real consequences to those involved. Dexter was fucking terrible for this, even at it's best. BrBa, in contrast, as a story that spanned the entirety of the show, with a fluidity and consistency that is unrivaled by any show ever. It's linear, easy to follow, and incredibly endearing. The show is incredible at painting every character in a shade of gray as opposed to white hats vs. black hats. Nearly every action, no matter how despicable or even who carried it out, had an understandable reason behind it right from the jump and up to the final credits. It's tough to tell someone to watch this show, because the greatest appreciation for it can only come after finishing it. But fuck it, I'll do it anyways. Watch this show. All of it.

The Laugh Track Award for Best sitcom on TV: PARKS AND RECREATION

A couple years ago, Community was on it's last legs and was on the precipice of being cancelled. I was a very strong supporter of the show and a huge advocate for its continuation. I got what I wanted, but in a very 'be careful what you wish for' kind of way. It became a sad shadow of it's former self, and apparently a toxic environment that led to the showrunner leaving, then Chevy Chase leaving, followed by Donald Glover, and this year, that dreaded cancellation. Even if it's been picked up somewhere else, there's only a fool's hope it will return to it's former glory. Parks and Rec, on the other hand, has only gotten better. I always tell people to skip the first two seasons because they are admittedly hard to watch, especially when you compare them to season three and beyond, which are comedy gold. Seasons one and two very heavily depended on Ron Swanson to be the Sheldon position while everyone else was finding their footing, but now the show is filled with amazing and endearing characters with very succinct and individual personalities and roles. It's consistently very funny and at times quite touching. Go figure, a sitcom with emotional traction. The only you get that out of The Big Bang Theory is if you sympathize with the lead character shitting all over his friend with Asperger's Syndrome. Fuck you, Leonard.

Anyways, channeling Rob Lowe's Chris Traeger: Parks and Rec is - literally - the funniest show on television.

The Superhero Movie Show Award for Show best representing the Comic Book genre: ARROW

This was a tough one. When Marvel released Agents of Shield in the fall of 2013, I was expecting the best since it was a combination of the amazing string of Comic Book films released by Marvel, culminating in The Avengers, with a Joss Whedon TV show. Up to this point, there hasn't been a bad show developed by Whedon, just a bunch of untimely demises. But I was disappointed in the first half of the first season of Shield, which consisted mostly in a lot of tongue-in-cheek references to the films without much of an established story of its own. Arrow I was more reluctant on, since it wasn't long ago that Smallville wounded me right to my core with it's horrendous ending. I'm now caught up with Arrow, and it's fucking hardcore. Dark, violent, and entertaining with just the right amount of the formula that made Smallville good. What's
best to me is that the show holds itself accountable for what could be perceived as its faults. It rewards those who stick with the show with the payoffs it doesn't immediately deliver. Any references made to characters in the first season pay off in the second. Arrow's willingness to arbitrarily kill people early on is addressed later. Also, it makes a laughable character like Green Arrow seem not only viable, but a legitimate badass. And now we have The Flash and a GODDAMN BATMAN (well OK, not really Batman but I'm excited anyways) show coming in the next month or so. Marvel might have the film market cornered, but DC has some heavy hitters on the networks.

The Popular On Netflix Award for Best Original Netflix Show: HOUSE OF CARDS

I'm a big fan of a lot of the original programming on Netflix, and to be quite honest I was really close to putting Orange Is The New Black on here. Then I thought about Kevin Spacey being mad at me if I didn't go with House of Cards and my mind was made up. Political intrigue is so touchy when it comes to film and TV because it can get horribly boring at times, if not predictable. This show differs in that instead of focusing on a situation or scenario going awry, it revolves around a person going around and fucking shit up because he's a goddamn supervillain. I can't say enough about Kevin Spacey on this show. He's incredible. And that would be enough if the rest of the cast weren't also amazing, which they are. To compare Robin Wright's character on this show with GoT's Cersei Lannister would be spot-on. But seriously, even if politics doesn't interest you in the least, watch the first episode and let Kevin Spacey, wizard that he is, cast a spell on you.

The Beautiful Horror Award for Show that best turns murder into an art form: HANNIBAL

This show never ceases to amaze me. At first, I didn't think the show could ever live up to the immortal performance of Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs. Much to my surprise, the show surpasses the films by the end of season two decidedly. Much like comparing Heath Ledger to Jack Nicholson as Jokers, Mads Mikkelsen is just so different, even an antithesis to Hopkins, that they're barely recognizable as the same character. While Hopkins is dramatic, wide eyed and over-the-top, Mads is more subtle, manipulative and substantially more sinister. The best way I've heard it put is that in the show, Hannibal is less a psychopathic killer and more like Lucifer himself, pulling the strings of those around him while also committing horrible acts when no one's looking. The other characters too, from Hugh Dancy's Will Graham, walking on the edge of sanity while dealing with his empathic abilities and Hannibal's manipulation, to Morpheus as the obsessive FBI agent Jack Crawford, are exquisite. The show is surprisingly gory and violent for network television, but incredibly beautiful in its presentation. Showrunner Bryan Fuller has always been good at colorful, artful presentation with shows like Wonderfalls and Pushing Daisies, but Hannibal is a perfect mix of that art with the horror featured in the show's content. While not for everyone, and definitely not easy to watch at times, this show is damn near perfect.

The Just The Best Award for Best show on TV this year: TRUE DETECTIVE

Wow. Just WOW with this show. Everything about it. From the low number of 8 episodes to the damn opening theme song. The slow burn of a developing murder case between two separate time lines is the single greatest season of television I've ever watched, and I know I talk with a lot of hyperbole but this is straight up truth. Leading the show is Matthew McConaughey (man, that name is a nightmare) in a role I believe should have beaten even Bryan Cranston's Walter White for the Emmy this year. I find it hard to compare his performance in this role with anyone, he was so far different from anything I had ever seen in a film or show. His partner, Woody Harrellson provided some much needed levity to the show, while providing his own gravitas, giving both characters a balance of relativity and uniqueness. No doubt you've seen this show referenced somewhere in popular culture over the past year. It's been considered a big deal, with good reason. My understanding is that each season will carry with it new lead characters, not unlike American Horror Story (which isn't bad, but can't end a season well to save it's life), so Woody's and McAlrightalrightalright's performances will stand out even more singularly and I can only hope whoever follows them will be even half as good. If not, I'll always have the theme song.

So there you go. The Fall TV season is on it's way, as is the final seasons of Sons of Anarchy and Boardwalk Empire, and not to mention FOOTBALL! Lots of watching to do, so if you don't hear from me for a while, you'll know where I'll be.

Knight Owl

Knight Owl's Review of X-Men: Days of Future Past; Timey Wimey Stuff

I didn't hate it. So there's that.

I'm not going to spend a lot of time on my opinions on past X-films, because I've done so ad nauseam. Long story short, I'm not a fan. The exception comes in X-Men: First Class, the only film that didn't accompany Singer's directorial stamp. First Class seemed to be the only movie in the franchise that had any fun, any charm to it, not to mention the only film that shows the characters as they should be shown: as comic book characters. Costumes, personalities, style. First Class did what The Avengers did for the other big Marvel team, only First Class did it all in one movie. Even Kevin Bacon was likeable in this movie.

When Bryan Singer (whom I've already taken the time to tear apart) reclaimed control over the franchise I spent the following year, give-or-take, groaning about it because I knew that the magic that was First Class would be taken away. I was, for the most part, absolutely right about that. That charm that First Class had was noticeably absent. It was no longer a comic book movie, it was an X-Men movie. It sounds weird, but there is definitely a difference, in the same way that Tim Burton's Batman movies are not comic book movies. They are fine as movies, but are nearly unrecognizable when compared to their source materials.

It didn't help when Singer immediately brought back all of the original cast to the film, many of whom I felt were miscast. I HATE Halle Berry as Storm. You'd think an Oscar winner could throw some personality into a character, but then again, she's also 'Catwoman'. And that's just an example. The lack of depth affects pretty much every character in the films that doesn't have adamantium bones or isn't 100 fucking years old (sorry, Patrick and Ian. You're both awesome).

No context given. None needed.

This was, of course, balanced by two things. First is Hugh Jackman reprising his role as Wolverine, 'cuz no matter how hard I hate on this franchise there's no way I'm throwing shade at him. This guy IS Wolverine, has been for 14 years now. It was nice to see First Class survive without him, but also awesome to see him back in a good-to-great movie. The second saving grace was the return of the bigger stars of First Class: James McAvoy's Xavier, Fassy's Magneto, Nicholas Hoult's Beast, and Dat Jennifer Lawrence. The chemistry within this cast is undeniable, and definitely helps carry over whatever context First Class contributes to this film. Without this cast, I would probably be mid-rant about how fucking awful this movie is (even though it's not even that bad).

In regards to the plot: ugh, time travel. It's never good. It's only good in Doctor Who because of how batshit insane that show is. It's ok though. Why? Because it's canon, that's why. Same justification I have for Superman killing Zod in Man Of Steel: it happened in the comics, was in fact a major event in the story, and was mostly well interpreted into film given the additional context of the franchise. It made enough sense for anyone with the typical suspension of disbelief for any comic book movie to get behind. It also serves, as X-Men always has, as a decent allegory for social prejudice against a minority. In this film it's more of a representation of the ethnic conflicts taking place around the time that the events of DOFP is set. There has always been a comparison between Xavier and Magneto with Martin Luther King and Malcolm X, respectively, and it is never more apparent than in this film. However, the subject matter of the film does not leave a lot of room for levity. This film was not a feel-good movie. Say what you will about Amazing Spider Man 2, but it was fun. So was First Class. The only notable scene with any joy in it featured the criminally underused Quicksilver character and it came close to going over the top, almost seeming like it was overcompensating for the grim nature of the rest of the film. In the words of Marty McFly, this film is heavy.

For as dark a film as this is at times, it's hard to tell who the villain is. There are a lot of contenders here, without getting too spoilery. First, the most apparent villain is Magneto, but between his desire to protect his kind and Fassy's undeniable charisma it's hard to hate on him. Then there's Mystique, but then again, Dat Jennifer Lawrence. The character has pretty similar motivations to Magneto, on top of being all of the adorable. I feel as though Tyrion Lannister's turn as Bolivar Trask was the intentional villain of the story, but even he's driven by factors that are very understandable if not sympathetic. Again taking away from being a comic book movie, there is no true good and evil here, just shades of gray. It made me miss the shit eating grin of Kevin Bacon and January Jones' incredible bitchface. Those are people one could hate. 

Another criticism I have for DOFP in contrast to First Class is the style it was presented in. By that, I mean that when you watch First Class, it is obvious that the film is set in the 60's. Everything from the appearance, to the music, the set pieces, even the gadgets right down to Cerebro itself is clearly out of the era. In this movie, not so much. Yeah, there's 70's music and clothes and stuff, but there are glaring irregularities, the most obvious of which are the sentinels themselves. Forget that the average computer in the 70's was neither powerful nor small, nothing on this earth circa 1970 looked like a fucking Macbook. 

The highest person in 1970 couldn't come up with this.

Here, we have 20 foot tall purple robots that might as well have the Droid logo inscribed on its fucking face. Not to mention MP3 player-looking pieces of movie science bullshit that Tyrion's just pimping around with. This is technology that we don't have NOW. If you're going to have this kind of sci-fi gimmickry going on in an era 40 years ago, at least make it look the part. Let remotes have big ass antennae. Have the Sentinels look less like in iPad mini and more retro, like a first generation Megatron. At the very least, throw in some shag carpeting or a pimping plaid suit, Don Draper style.

There are two things here that really bugged me about this film, and while both are admittedly nitpicky, that's how I do. The first is pretty simple: as we know, time travel is kind of the lynch pin of the plot. The problem is there is no explanation as to how that time travel happens. Just some random character who shall remain nameless but is already an established part of canon inextricably develops the ability to send people through time. That is maybe the most conveniently random plot hammer in the franchise. The X-Men franchise. It's an accomplishment. The second is the most offending evidence of Bryan Singer's devil-may-care attitude towards the franchise's continuity. So throughout the film, there are little but relevant references to the events of X-Men: The Last Stand. For those who don't remember, Jean Grey goes nucking futs, kills an approximate fuck ton of X-Men, including Cyclops and Xavier, followed by getting herself shanked by Logan. So given the fact that X-Men 3 is accepted canon in DOFP, I have a question. HOW THE FUCK IS PROFESSOR X ALIVE IN THE FUTURE? I'm open to suggestions. Anyone?

Please, keep in mind. This is a movie I liked.

It's on me to accept the fact that First Class is a moment in time, a high point in a franchise I'm never going to whole-heartedly love. And that's OK, because in that context, DOFP is the best movie in the franchise that isn't First Class (so I guess it's Second Class! Jokes!). I'm on board from here on out, especially if the First Class alumni keep making appearances. If that Fassy-starring Magneto movie gets greenlit, I'll buy my ticket tomorrow. In other exciting news, Channing 'My Fave' Tatum is officially Gambit. This could be really fucking good, or just as fucking bad. As long as he's more 21 Jump Street and less Dear John we should be fine. Do I like Bryan Singer's involvement? Nope, but if he ends up being a multiple rapist, karma dictates that at the very least he gets to stop making millions of dollars off of a guaranteed money making film franchise. All in all, this film is a success, especially if you're not prone to hating the X-films like I do. I definitely think it's worth seeing. It has enough nods to the source material for the comic book faithful and plays well enough for the general population.

But if what I hear is true about the next film, they best not fuck it up. I mean it. 

Knight Owl

Knight Owl's Review of Godzilla (2014); Hiding In Plain Sight

It took 60 years, but we finally have a decent film featuring the King of Monsters.

I say that because since his introduction, Godzilla has never been in an all-around good film. Yeah, I said it. The Godzilla movies of yore and yesteryear were fun, there's no argument here. But for the most part they are enjoyed ironically, the same way we enjoy the 1966 Batman show, 1980's-era pro wrestling, and the Toronto Maple Leafs. We laugh at the big rubber suits and the out-of-sync voice dubs because we're SO clever, but no traditional Godzilla film is on anyone's Top 100 lists. And then we have the 1998 'reboot', featuring the all-star cast of Simpsons voice actors, Leon The Professional, and Ferris fucking Bueller. 

My face during this entire fucking movie. 

Honestly, I think this piece of shit was made only to appease Roland Emmerich's wanton for the destruction of famous architecture (see also: Independence Day, 2012, The Day After Tomorrow, White House Down; Christ, he even blows pyramids up in StarGate). My point is that no legitimate film starring the Big Guy has yet to be made. Until now.

Godzilla '14 is pretty much everything I wanted out of the film in that it's not what everyone else wanted out of the film. Stay with me. It would have been easy to make a cheesy, monster action-heavy slobberknocker that is every other Godzilla movie but with better visuals. Most other film makers might have gone the way of Transformers or Pacific Rim; high impact, fast moving, IN YO FACE BOOAHAHAHAH~ and that would have been fine, but not great. Instead, Gareth Edwards decided to take nods from maybe the greatest monster movie of all time: Jaws. This film is a great mix of a slow burn suspenseful sci-fi film with a healthy dose of traditional monster mash and heavy-handed disaster flick. It's something I definitely got behind, but can understand how it might turn audiences off if they are expecting something less subtle.

The plot, believe it or not, is simple: a giant monster or two pop into public view and proceed to fuck shit up, and people react accordingly. Trying to spoilers vague, I'll say that Godzilla needs to defend his title as King of Monsters in the film, and thank God(zilla) for that, because how boring could this movie be if all that happened was 'big lizard tromps and stomps around (insert big city here)'. It's almost as if that movie's been made before! Sarcasm, everyone! Again, it's a long build to a big payoff, but the build is well executed and the punch line is worth the wait. Again, think of Jaws: you get decent glimpses of the main attraction throughout the first ¾'s of the film but nothing substantial, and then the climax hits and HERE COMES THE PAIN. If there's a criticism to be made regarding the overall feel of the film, it's that the monsters are inexplicably sneaky. In no way should a 100-foot tall creature be able to get the jump on any number of people, but it happens on more than one occasion in this film. It is hilarious. Which is good, because the film is lacking highly in comic relief. I mean, it fits the gravitas of the film, and after the 1998 farce I'd want to keep this film as serious as possible just to be as different from Bueller-zilla as I could. But pretty much every laugh I got out of this film was not intentional.

The major criticism I have for this film is with the characters. Not the actors per se, as they were for the most part spot on. But if you've seen any disaster movie, you've met the people this film focuses on. The hyper-intelligent but batshit insane scientist with a vendetta. The young hero, usually with a military background. Young hero's love interest. The elder, wise eccentric that has answers that make absolutely no sense whatsoever for him to have. The skeptical authority figure that's got no time for the advice of said eccentric. Any of these sound familiar? It's the Independence Day special. Within the first 15 minutes of the movie, I thought that the climax would center around Kick-Ass and Heisenberg giving Godzilla a computer virus. Thankfully that is not the case, and the characters were enjoyable, cliches that they are. Bryan Cranston is Walter White at his craziest here, which I was weary about him until the film's events made his overacting make sense. Ken Wanatabe brings a more subtle gravitas as the aforementioned eccentric with all the answers, and is an effective balance to Cranston's ALL CAPS LOCK performance. 

JESSE WE NEED TO COOK...err, no wait...what's the line?

Aaron Taylor-Kick-Ass-Johnson is very sympathetic in his role as the lead, a former military officer trying to get from point A to his family at point B, and just having the worst possible time with it. Elizabeth Olsen enjoys some exposure as the best possible Olsen sister as Kick-Ass's love interest, but doesn't do much more than that. And if you've seen David Strathairn in one thing, you've seen him in everything. He's effective as the military command in charge of the whole mess, but only because he's always effective. Nothing truly special about the actors or the people they portray in the film, but then again, if you're coming to see Godzilla for character development, then you're gonna have a bad time and you only have yourself to blame.

Is Godzilla my favourite movie of the year? No. Probably won't even come close. But it is definitely the best monster movie to come by in some time, blowing Pacific Rim out of the water in many aspects. It does warm my heart though to see this genre coming back in a big way, and with legitimate efforts. It looks just incredible, and the 'less is more' approach to the monster is definitely a different but welcome approach to what could have been an over-the-top run of the mill monster movie, overexposing the creatures and making the film seem drawn out. This film makes you want more from the get-go and won't pay out until the end. Totally worth the watch, especially on the big screen.

And for the love of God, keep an eye out for 100-foot tall monsters. They can be anywhere. Even RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

Knight Owl

Three Reasons Why Bryan Singer Is The Worst

In case you weren't aware, Bryan Singer is the worst.

Pictured: The Enemy.

Stay with me.

X-Men: Days Of Future Past comes out this week, and I'm less than excited about it. I've made my dislike for the X-films rather plain, so much so that my inaugural blog post was regarding the film franchise. To save you the time reading it, it's largely negative save for X-Men: First Class, the only entry not directed by Singer or featuring a mouthless Deadpool.

Since the announcement that DOFP would be directed by Singer and would be a return to form for the franchise, I've been cringing at every trailer, poster, and mere mention of the film. I don't have high hopes for it, and am especially disappointed considering how much I liked Matthew Vaughn's efforts in First Class. I would have liked to see what he could have done with what this film would have been. I will gladly eat my boot if DOFP ends up being my favourite film of the year (currently Captain America 2, BTW), but the current trailers depict just a whole bunch of sad. Like, Requiem For A Dream kind of sad. Forgive me for not being jacked.

So, back to Singer. There have been a great many little things which put together have developed my hatred for him, but there are now three focal points that I feel everyone, if not every film or comic geek, can get behind, and I feel responsible in sharing these points with you. I try to keep my annoyance with said little things out of it, as they seem extra trivial in this already trivial argument against Singer. Nevertheless, I feel that some shade needs to be thrown in the direction of this so-called A-list director as what might be his biggest commercial success is about to hit theatres. Why? Because fuck Bryan Singer, that's why.

1. Superman Returns. Now sure, the movie was one of the shittier comic book movies ever made, but there are a whole bunch of reasons why the events surrounding this POS reveal Singer's douchebaggery. The year was 2004, and Singer et al were coming off the heels of X2's tremendous success. All involved were already in discussion to move on to what would become X-Men 3: The Last Stand and the contracts were all but signed when Warner Bros came knocking for Singer, offering up Superman. Singer not only took the job immediately and unceremoniously told Fox and Marvel to go screw themselves, he took his entire creative team as well as one of the X-franchise's stars (James Marsden) with him. He left the franchise a mess, only to be cleaned up by Brett Ratner, resulting in what would be a lackluster effort. Superman Returns isn't much better of a film, which basically ended up being a two-hour long, $50 million circle jerk for Richard Donner's original Superman film, as opposed to, you know, an original effort. A recycled plot, stupidly boring, with a ridiculous sub-plot surrounding Supes' illegitimate child, and maybe the worst female lead in any comic book film ever. Including Jennifer Garner's Elektra. If not for a considerable effort by newcomer Brandon Routh and the obscene amount of scenery chewing done by Kevin Fucking Spacey, this movie would be unwatchable. I don't know who made the decision to bring Singer back to X-Men, but the past decade has shown that the franchise is the only thing that Singer has going for him other than The Usual Suspects. No amount of eyepatch-wearing Tom Cruise or CGI Giants have helped Singer's career more than the first two X-films, and if everything plays out for the best, DOFP will bring much needed life into his sad life.  
2. “Fuck Continuity”. The X-Men comic books have always been absolutely terrible with continuity. Character deaths. Time travel. Roster changes. In my opinion, the X-titles are so hard to follow even now that they're borderline parody. But, that's after like 50 years of publication. There's going to be some inconsistencies. I get it, and can accept it. There is no excuse for a handful of films to suffer the same flaw. From X-Men to First Class, the amount of glaring contradictions is so high that I had insisted that First Class wasn't even in the same continuity as the original films, and was a straight up reboot a la Amazing Spider Man. Apparently, I am incorrect in that assumption. So Jennifer Lawrence and Rebecca Romijn are the same person? Because that makes no sense if you look at Mystique's relationship with Professor X. Or Xavier's relationship with Magneto. Or even when he loses his ability to walk. And that's just Xavier. Singer's reintroduction to the franchise and his merging of the original trilogy with First Class has created a contradictory nightmare. His response? He hopes the fans are stupid enough to forget about it. In an interview with SciFiNow, he is quoted in saying that he “really hopes the audience will forget about” the blatant inconsistencies present in the series, while also whole heartedly admiting that they exist. That makes Singer a lazy piece of shit. It would be different if he went out of his way to movie-science the problems away (time travel!), but nope, he's too busy dealing with 'other things' (see point #3) to make any of this make sense. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.
3. So, Singer MIGHT be a rapist. Holy shit. When I first heard about the case being brought against Singer by a young man who claims to have been sexually assaulted by the director, I took it with a huge grain of salt. The timing was definitely suspect, with DOFP coming up and Singer prominent in the film's press and fixing to make a killing off of the movie. If that was all there was to it, it's a pretty weak case. BUT there are a couple little things that make the case somewhat more substantial. First, that Marc Collins-Rector was another person named by the victim, who has already plead guilty in 2004 of luring minors across state lines for sex and is now a registered sex offender. There is a noted relationship between Collins-Rector and Singer, so this could be seen as fishy to say the least. Then, a second accusation came from a new victim, claiming that Singer, amongst others, sexually victimized him when he was 17, around the time Superman Returns was released. Jesus Christ. If that's not enough, we have Bret Easton Ellis. Ellis is a popular author best known for writing American Psycho, and currently hosts his own podcast. On a recent episode of said podcast with True Blood showrunner Alan Ball, they got to talking about Singer's predicament and some knowledge got dropped about the parties where these supposed attacks took place. The following is a quote from Ellis: Out here everyone kind of knows about the parties and uh, the kind of underage boys. In fairness, Ellis also goes on to comment on the suspicious timing of the accusations, with DOFP coming out. Even so, it doesn't sound favourable on Singer, regardless of the truth behind the accusations. Light is being shed on elements of Singer's life that I'm sure he would rather keep in the dark. Part of me truly hopes that this is all a bullshit attempt at a money grab and that Singer isn't guilty of what's being claimed. But if it's true...if Singer is in fact guilty of this kind of sexual deviance, he's a despicable human being on top of being an overrated, mediocre film maker and that is something I simply cannot abide. 

Will I see Days of Future Past? Yeah, probably. I don't feel like I've earned the right to criticize something unless I've given it a shot. That principle is why I've seen Twilight. I don't have high expectations for it, but I'm willing to be surprised. Singer's involvement definitely influences my lack of excitement, the reasons listed being only the most glaring slights committed by the director. My opinions of him will not change if he just so happens to not be a rapist of underage boys, but it wouldn't worsen either. I just wanted to express my feeling going into the film this weekend, and wanted whatever readers I have left to be aware. Constant vigilance and all that.

Bryan Singer. This fucking guy. 

Knight Owl.

Let's Talk About The Justice League Movie...

So, this Justice League movie...

Yeah, I know I've been quiet for, well, months. No good reason, let's not dwell. Mostly, it's been a lack of things to talk (ie. be enraged or excited) about. I haven't seen anything worse than I, Frankenstein this year, and don't really have any intention to, but time will tell. Things like RoboCop happened, and it was the biggest 'don't know if want' film for me since Iron Man 3. But again, not much to talk about there. A fan of the original film didn't love the remake? GET OUTTA TOWN! But I digress, because the blockbusters are again on the way and with that will come my oh-so appreciated opinions of them.

That will come; but, before that, I need to talk about this Justice League movie.

Last year I expressed my opinion of Batfleck being a thing, and his involvement in Batman Vs. Superman or whatever title Man of Steel 2 is going with. That hasn't changed. He's going to be fine. And yeah, that was the biggest bit of casting news that this movie was going to have, but over the past months there have been so many characters cast in it that it's hard to keep track. It's now getting to the point of overkill with major characters for this movie that should really only be focusing on one. And now, Zack Snyder has gone on record to say he's directing a Justice League movie following Man of Steel 2.

My first thought: No shit.

The only surprise here is that Man of Steel 2 isn't a JL movie in it's own right. So far, we have Supes, Bats, Wonder Woman, Cyborg (really?), with rumours abound regarding characters such as Green Lantern and Aquaman. Keep in mind we still have Jesse 'I invented Facebook' Eisenberg coming in as Lex Luthor
the (we can assume) main villain. So, with all these characters being brought in, how fucking long does this movie have to be to do all these characters justice (no pun intended)?

The answer: it doesn't matter, there won't be a movie long enough.

The problem is that we now live in a world where The Avengers has happened and was successful. Of course DC wants to put together their equivalent and put it out into the universe. And apparently, they want to do it as fast as possible. To date, DC has done two of their major characters well in film: Batman and Superman. They tried with Green Lantern and it was a mess in every aspect. This will not change between now and Justice League. In contrast, every single major player in Avengers, including the fucking villain, had appeared if not starred in a film before Avengers was released. Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, and Hulk all had their own films with Black Widow, Hawkeye, Fury et al making cameos throughout. A continuity is established through five films before getting to the payoff. DC's retort to this reads like 'Fuck it, YOLO!' and have now placed half the roster of their superhero team in one movie as an intro.

I think there's a good and a very big bad to be considered here. The big bad here is that anyone not familiar with the source material might be taken aback by the sheer amount of people shoehorned into this movie just to set up another film that's at least a year away from its release. This is especially bad considering that there is only one film in this continuity so far, being Man of Steel. Of course everyone knows Batman at this point, but the films everyone's familiar with don't exist in the same world as MOS, hence the Batfleck. As stated, Green Lantern was a failure at another franchise, whether it was meant as part of this continuity or not.

Therefore, instead of the equivalent of the aforementioned Marvel headliners having their own movies, we have one film. Two hours, three at most. And yeah, Black Widow and Hawkeye never had their own vehicle, but it can be certainly said that they are secondary characters on the roster. We're talking about Wonder Woman, maybe the most iconic superheroine in history, and The Goddamn Batman not getting their own films to set up Justice League, a group in which they are major players. That concept is staggering to me. It would be like Iron Man and Thor not getting their movies pre-Avengers. Cyborg? Whatever, who cares. The Flash should be in JL, but no word on him as of yet. Same with Aquaman, but there is rumour of some people attached to the character for MOS2, including Khal Drogo himself, Jason Momoa. And if Ryan Reynolds shows up in that terribly CGI'd outfit anytime in the future I will go all the way out of my entire damn mind. Long story short, there is no context for any characters other than Superman going into MOS2, and there's no real way of establishing context for the following JL movie while also being a primarily Superman-focused film. There just isn't enough time, even if you're faster than a speeding bullet or whatever.

Here's the good thing, and I pray to R'hllor that it works out: it's different. It's pretty much the antithesis to what Marvel has done with their superheroes. Instead of the long buildup over four or more years, we get a star-studded follow up to Man of Steel, see the beginnings of the interaction between what will be the backbone of the Justice League, and get the payoff as soon as two years later. If this has been the plan from the get-go, it's a good move. Even more so considering the development has been surprise after surprise. However, if the pessimist in me is correct and there are just changes and edits being made to an already existing script, overcomplicating things, this could get messy.

DC needs this to work in order to compete with Marvel in any way other than the comics themselves. DC has been doing a great job with their animated films, some of which are the best depictions of the characters in existence. They also have a line up of decent looking TV shows coming out, such as The Flash, Constantine/Hellblazer, and Gotham (squee!), with Arrow doing well as a darker, less shitty version of Smallville. But Marvel is coming up with some TV business as well. Agents of SHIELD is way better than it has any right to be. And with Netflix doing four shows with Marvel for Jessica Jones, Luke Cage, Iron Fist, and motherfucking Daredevil (!), DC won't have the advantage for long.

I'm a DC fanboy at heart, and would be even if Batman wasn't on their roster. I truly hope that this bold play works for them. I think that the casting so far is inspired, especially with Eisenberg as Luthor (but that's a discussion for another day). If it sucks, I guess we'll always have Avengers.

But please don't suck.

Knight Owl

Knight Owl's Review of I, Frankenstein; Going Underworld

Wow.

Just Wow with this movie.

It's been a while since I sat down and tore a film apart for being just so bad. If you've seen my SooToday reviews (please do, I'll make sure to post a link to the bottom), you know that I've had to clean up my act a bit and make with the clean language and the full-on liking of the film I'm writing about. It basically means that I have to go out and find films that either I and/or the general public liked or should like and sing its praises as non-aggressively as possible. Not here. Here I say whatever I goddamn please.

And this fucking movie is just so bad, it's good.

So first off, I do hope that whoever owns the rights to Underworld is aware that this movie blatantly stole from the contents of the Vampire-vs-Werewolf series. They aren't similar. No homages or subtle references. Straight up theft. A supernatural being is, through no fault of his own, thrust into the middle of a secret war between two immortal factions. The synopsis pretty well fits either film, only Underworld includes a love story and Kate freaking Beckinsale(!), thus making Frankenstein the inferior film.

And another thing: the 'secret war, waging for centuries blah blah blah' trope. Come on, now. Seriously, how many secret wars can possibly be going on in this post-9/11 hashtag world of ours? The soldiers in this particular war involve ugly fuckers with horns and shit beating on rather large, winged gargoyles wielding huge medieval weapons. And there are several scenes in this film that were just not discrete at all, in the middle of major metropolitan areas. Really? No one is seeing this? I know the trope has appeared in other films such as The Matrix, Men In Black, pretty much every vampire slayer film or series out there. But at least with these examples there was a modicum of subtlety, or at least a flashy-thingy or some MacGuffin designed to keep the war a secret. Not with this movie, and no one seems to give a shit about the flying stone people picking up bystanders and setting them ablaze, or the massive explosion in the middle of town. Don't worry, guys, nothing to see here I guess.

Let's talk about the cast. First off, we have Aaron 'I Believe in Harvey Dent' Eckhart as the titular monster. And by 'monster' I of course mean the handsomest creation to be concocted out of one or more dead bodies since Peter Boyle in a tux in Young Frankenstein. It states in the film that the monster, or 'Adam', is made up of something like eight different bodies. If that's true, then they were the bodies of eight identical people because the pieces fit together more easily than a jigsaw puzzle designed for first-graders (or Justin Bieber).

"Yeah, this all looks fine Igor, but where did you find the butt-chin?"

Oh, and whoever was in charge of keeping Adam's make-up consistent deserves a punch in the neck. There are way too many close ups of Eckhart's handsome face to be fucking up on his make-up as much as these people did. There were scenes where half the scars that were previously present on his face were just not there. Others where it just looked like Eckhart came in off the street, didn't bother with the make-up at all, and did his thing. I don't know who is to blame, but necks need to be punched.

This movie would be nigh-unwatchable if not for the great Bill Nighy returning to his role from Underworld appearing in a role that we have totally never seen him play before. Few are as good at blatant overacting as good ol' Davy Jones here. The steely eyes, the perma-frown and oh, the over-enunciation! Nearly every sentence of his is punctuated by a '~zah!' Anyone who's ever seen a Pirates of the Caribbean film knows what I'm talking about. It's also nice to see Yvonne Strahovski in things, although I have a rocky relationship with her right now. She was delightful in Chuck, but was also a big factor in Dexter becoming the fart noise that was the final episode. Oh well, she's hot. I'll forgive her.

The visuals were pretty much what I expected, same grade as any other genre flick of this nature: kinda cartoony with a little bit of money and 3D to make it look not terrible. The times where prosthetics were used, mainly on the demons in the film, were very reminiscent of Joss Whedon's work with Buffy and Angel, endearing me to the film somewhat. The action scenes were full of the slow-motion, hard hitting, property damaging fare that, like the visuals of the film, are so commonplace in films today that I can't even think of a specific example. Oh yeah, fucking UNDERWORLD.

So yeah, this movie was a laughable good time, in that it was so very bad and had no right to not be a direct-to-DVD B-movie. And if Rotten Tomatoes is to be believed, no one is arguing with me. Hell, it was opening night when I went to see it and the place was desolate. I would have much rather seen the Adam character hornswoggled into the Underworld franchise so that he would fall in love with Kate Beckinsale and have the most beautiful undead babies.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that's my quota for fanfic writing for my entire life. You're welcome.

Knight Owl

Knight Owl's Top 10 Films of 2013; Because F*ck 2013!

Holy shit, 2013 sucked.

While the loss of Jandy ('grandmother') would be enough for me to claim that, it was just the most significant of an impressive list of shit to go wrong on my end. The month of December felt like it went on forever for me just waiting for the year to end. Well, it has. Thank God. 

On top of the stack of crap my personal life went through, the year wasn't great for film either. It certainly pales in comparison to the previous year, which gave us Django Unchained, The Avengers, and the conclusion to my beloved Dark Knight Trilogy. It wasn't all bad this year, but I was at a loss to find a top 10 list of films that I loved and would be excited to write about.

At first. Then came the new year, and with it a new outlook of the year past. Objectively there is nothing really new about the transition from one year to the next. There is no real change. But that kind of thinking is just plain not fun, and this will be the year of the Knight Owl. And January has been my rallying point. 

So, here we are with the 10 movies I hold high above the rest, featuring similar ridiculous and fictional awards to last year's top 10. Some are objectively great films that have or will win significant awards for their efforts, while others are more appealing to me personally. I'm sure some of you will agree with me, or else what the hell are you doing reading an excessively long blog laced with nothing but my opinion?

Still here? Good. Here we go...

10. The "Every Young Actor Who Has Ever Made You Laugh Is In This Movie" award for most cameos in a film goes to...

THIS IS THE END

This movie is fucking hilarious. The concept of the best that young Hollywood has to offer playing themselves during the apocalypse made for easily one of the funniest movies this year. It actually made me like actors like Jonah Hill (more on him later), Danny McBride, and Jay Baruchel. It also got me watching Freaks and Geeks and Undeclared again, the Apatow shows that got most of these guys started. It's even better now after seeing The Roast of James Franco, by far the best roast that Comedy Central has put on. And seriously, more cameos than what should be possible in a film: Emma Watson, Rihanna, Michael Cera, McLovin (because really, that should be his real name), Channing Tatum, Aziz Ansari, Jason Segel...so many faces of awesome people. Just watch out for demon dicks...they're everywhere in this movie!

9. The "Tommy Guns Are Super Cool" award for best crime film set in the 1940's goes to...

GANGSTER SQUAD

This film has a special place in my heart for reminding me of two favourite movies of mine: Dick Tracy and The Untouchables. Like Untouchables, this is a period piece set in the early 20th century loosely based on a true story about renegade cops fighting the mob. Like Dick Tracy, this film has some flash, some style, and in no way takes itself seriously. Josh Brolin is a total badass here, Ryan Babygoose does the asshole with a heart of gold schtick pretty well, and Emma Stone does that thing where she's really hot. Also, Sean Penn eats scenery for three meals a day here, bad makeup and all. I was seriously waiting for him to tell Dick Tracy to eat lead. 

8. And winning the "KAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHN" award for the film who best tried to sneak in being a remake when no one was looking...

STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS

Damn, this movie was fun. It carried over much of what I loved about the first Star Trek film and got rid of that time travel gimmicky crap. Even the light flares that JJ Abrams has become famous for didn't bother me so much. Also, count me in as a Cumberbatch fan because he was amazing in this; believably evil yet sympathetic, imposing, with just the right amount of overacting and over-enunciating to remind everyone that this is still Star Trek we're talking about here. This psuedo-remake of probably the best Star Trek film to date was one of my faves of the summer. Could always do with more Chekov, though. 

7. The winner of the "I Didn't Even Know I Missed It" award for a Disney animated movie returning to form is...

FROZEN

The songs. The romance. The silly slapstick comedy. The entirely unnecessary yet entertaining sidekicks and animal companions. Ladies and gentlemen, Disney is back. The tried and true formula that was part of so many childhoods seemed to go away with the string of Pixar films over the past decade or so. Don't get me wrong, some of them are amazing (INCREDIBLES), but what made Disney what it is fell by the wayside. They made attempts at regaining that 'magic' with films like The Princess and the Frog and Tangled, but the former missed the mark and the latter was missing the songs, which prove to be an important part of what makes a Disney movie what it is. Getting back to Frozen, this movie had all of that and more. It takes maybe the biggest Disney trope and turns it right on its ass. It was funny, adorable, touching, and dare I say magical. Welcome back, Disney, I'm sure I'll be sick of these movies again soon.

6. The "It's About Time, Was That So Hard?" award for best film featuring giant robots and/or giant monsters goes to...

PACIFIC RIM

I can't stand how fun this movie is. It's like the best of Independence Day, Godzilla, Power Rangers, and Del Toro's madness all rolled into one. A nice simple story, amazing visuals, and fight sequences that are basically the antithesis to the Michael Bay-style, hard to follow nonsense I was expecting out of a film with really big robots make this maybe the best popcorn film this year. 

5. The winner of the "Jennifer Lawrence Bandwagon" award for film to feature Jennifer Lawrence the most is...

THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE

Seriously, who doesn't love this girl?. She's awesome. Forget her roles in film for a second and watch her just be her. It's fucking amazing how cool she is. And also hot. She's hot. I would just write a paragraph about her, but hey, this is a really good movie on top of that. Another really close adaptation of a Hunger Games trilogy, Catching Fire sets up a lot of pieces for the next part of the series. I'm less thrilled about the third book being split into two movies (Deathly Hallows needed two movies. Breaking Dawn didn't and The Hobbit sure as shit don't need three.), but that just means more Katniss. So fine, I'll be there. You don't have to twist my arm. 

4. The film winning the "JUSTICE LEAGUE MOVIE IS HAPPENING!" award for best Comic Book film of the year is...

MAN OF STEEL

This year had a lot to live up to with last year's releases of Avengers and DKR. Iron Man 3 was borderline garbage, and there was no way that Thor 2 could be taken seriously. Man of Steel took a character I don't care for at all and made him watchable for nearly three hours. Many have issue with this movie for one reason or another, and I've been meaning to revisit this film and go over said problems. But here's the short version: DC Comics had one successful franchise. It ended last year and made ALL OF THE MONEY with those three films. Man Of Steel was a Superman movie for Batman fans, and it worked, obviously, because here comes Batfleck in all his glory, AND Wonder Woman to boot! If I could buy my ticket now, I would. 

3. The winner of the "Fuck Fuckity Fuck Fuck Fuck" award for best film to use the F-word over 500 times in the course of three hours is...

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET

This was, surprisingly enough, the funniest movie of the year. Probably my favourite Scorsese picture, other than The Departed, this movie plays out like a goddamn fever dream and is fun the whole way through. Dicaprio is straight up amazing in this, deserves that fucking Oscar, and he's not the only one. When the hell did Jonah Hill become an actual actor instead of the fat kid from Superbad who drew dicks all over the place? He is AWESOME in this. Another Oscar nomination, and one he totally deserves. The only reason this bad boy of a movie isn't higher is because it is three goddamn hours long, and can feel like it at times. But it's a hell of a ride.

2. The "Amy Adams' Cleavage" award for the best display of actresses and their assets in a film goes to...

AMERICAN HUSTLE

First off, yeah, Jennifer Lawrence again. And she is objectively amazing in this movie, as is Amy 'Enchanted' Adams, Batman, Hawkeye, and Guy from Hangover. The 70's-set con artist film by David O. Russell (a director with a hell of a winning streak with The Fighter, Silver Linings Playbook, and now this) is almost as fun as Wolf of Wall Street with a more coherent plot and one hour shorter. Bale shows that he might be the only Batman to not disappear into mediocrity (don't count Clooney. Just don't.), and sports a rocking comb-over while doing so. The setting itself is so well put together, too. It was very, VERY 70's. 

And also, Jennifer Lawrence. 

1. The best film of the year and winner of the "Holyshitholyshitholyshit" award for forever fucking my life up is...

GRAVITY

This fucking movie. Sure, there are films on this list that have better plot, action, laughs, demon dicks, whatever. But Gravity did something that nearly no other film has done: it did something TO ME. No film has affected me in the same way that Gravity did, and for that alone, it's one of the best films I've ever seen. Not to mention the fact that the trailers made it look like the most boring thing in the entire damn world. I don't think I blinked for the two hours this movie was on for. I strongly believe that Alfonso Cuaron earned the Golden Globe for best director for this and deserves the same at the Oscars, because he may have revolutionized film with Gravity. Too bad I'll never watch this fucker again. PEACE!

So yeah, 2013 happened and it was bad. The Niners lost spectacularly at the Superbowl, CM Punk lost the WWE Title to Dwayne fucking Johnson, Dexter ended with a whisper and a fart, and that's just the most trivial of it. But fuck it, we got some decent movies out of it. Now we're almost a month into 2014 and it's been going good so far. I'm back where I belong on the night shift, getting some good quality time in with my family, friends, and Mandi. Mom has an incredible new house in Thessalon. I'm still getting married (eventually). And I'm already thrice published in a local news site for writing more clean, wholesome movie reviews. 

Welcome to the Year of the Knight Owl. 

Knight Owl