Knight Owl's Review of Pain & Gain; Stranger Than Fiction

Michael Bay, you magnificent and terrible bastard.

Bay has been getting a lot of hate in recent years, a lot of it deserved. His movies of late have become the worst kind of summer popcorn movie: bad acting, horrible editing, with either a barely-there story or plot holes galore. Just lots of loud noises and shiny things on screen. Michael Bay films are the jangling keys of cinema. That's sad for me because I actually like his earlier work. If I had to rank my favourite Bay films before seeing Pain & Gain, it would look a little something like this:

1. Armageddon
2. The Rock
3. Bad Boys II
4. Bad Boys
5. Every fucking thing else
6. Pearl Harbour

 Considering this, it confused me when I heard that Bay had gone on record to apologize for Armageddon as it's probably the last movie that he should feel bad about. But then he recanted his apology saying he misspoke and would never apologize for anything, following that up with, and I quote: "I don’t change my style for anybody. Pussies do that." So never mind, Bay goes back to being an misogynistic, racist, arrogant douchebag and all is right with the world.

When I first heard about Pain & Gain, I was excited mainly due to two of my favourite Hollywood people being in it: Marky Mark and The Rock. Having that followed up by 'A Film by Michael Bay' made me cringe a little bit. And then it was stated to be based on a true story. Now, based on Bay's penchant for having things explode frequently, there are only a few types of real world events that Bay should be making into movies, and he REALLY shouldn't be allowed to (see: Pearl Harbour); but the more I saw of Pain & Gain, the more I was reminded of Bay's work on the Bad Boys movies. Yeah, they were flashy and unrealistic and such, but they were fun buddy cop movies, not to mention decent R-rated action. It was enough for me, with Marky Mark and The Rock in tow, to give P&G a chance. And I'm glad I did.

The story of P&G follows the true story of Daniel Lugo (Mark), a Miami body builder and personal trainer who, alongside fellow trainers Paul Doyle (Rock) and Adrian Dorball (Anthony Mackie), aim to make that money by kidnapping a wealthy client and, because they are tragically stupid, things go awry. Without spoiling anything, some of the events of the film that take place are truly over the top and have that taste of ridiculous that Bay is so famous for, so I did some looking into the true crime story that the film is based upon, and it seems that truth really is stranger than fiction sometimes. Yes, there are scenes thrown in to quicken the pace of the movie, some scenes are over-sensationalized, and in reality the group of criminals this is based upon was slightly larger (in number, not in physical size. Because damn Rocky's huge), but all-in-all this movie stuck pretty close to the stories published in the 1990's regarding the incident. If/when you go see this movie, there are some straight-up silly scenes in it. That shit actually happened.

If there is a single reason to see this movie, it's the people in it. Just fantastic performances all around, all of which are basically real people with their personalities turned up to eleven. Marky Mark Wahlberg is turning into a real Hollywood heavy, and I love it. His performance in The Departed stuck out the most for me, and that was amongst DiCaprio, Damon, and Jack Fucking Nicholson. His 'dumb but handsome' routine is one of the better things going for him in comedic roles like Ted and The Other Guys (also known as Channing Tatum Syndrome), and he's a good-to-great action guy. He got to be both funny and serious business in P&G and it suited him well. The film has been criticized for making the criminals too sympathetic and that might be true in Marky Mark's case. There were several times throughout the film where I didn't necessarily dislike the character, but just went 'Aww Marky Mark, no. Just no.'

I have a love/hate relationship with Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson. Love him in movies, hate hate hate him in wrestling. Thanks to John 'Wrestling's Marky Mark' Cena, Rocky shouldn't be back in the ring any time soon and I can go back to liking him. This movie took a huge leap in that direction for me. Now, Marky Mark is a pretty built guy and probably put on some more pounds for this, but he looked like a fucking Baggins compared to Rocky, so that didn't hurt his presence in the film. Add to that his performance as a naive, herp-derp drug addict who found Jesus was fucking hilarious and endearing. There were times during Rocky's film career that I questioned his choices of funny kid-friendly films over action, but in reality he's just too funny to be squandered on Walking Tall 2: Running Tall or whatever.

Anthony Mackie's role as the third member of the gang was much more subtle than Mark's or Rocky's, but was just as over the top and was probably the most relateable character in the film. Tony 'That was a hell of a thing' Shaloub as the victim here was priceless, in that it would normally take a lot to straight-up hate someone who suffered through this madness, but here it seems natural. Ed Harris did his thing as the only real protagonist of the film, the PI hired to find the gang; he did it well, and without his calm and somber presence the film would have gone out of fucking control. Bay hasn't done characters this well since Armageddon, but it's nice to know he can still pull it off without Shia LeBeouf screaming in the background.

Visually, the film looks exactly like Bad Boys did. Also set in Miami, the setting was just as bright and warm as the city itself, but with a type of grit that fit the tone of the film. The R rating is earned here with language alone, but some strip club-centric nudity and a decent amount of the real-world kind of violence (as opposed to Will Smith in a Ferrari with a fucking MP5 violence) really hits it home. The only real inconsistency of the film lies in the pacing and tone of the film. The first 2/3 of the movie is a real good time, a comedic crime film along the lines of Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels. Just three idiots trying to make it big and not knowing what the fuck they're doing. The fun stops nearly dead in the third act and we're brought headlong into a true crime film rehashing the events of the story in a very different light. It was well executed, and really emphasized the true story element of the thing, but the change is both sudden and drastic. The fun dies hard here.

If you're uninterested in this film purely based on Bay's involvement, stop being so fucking pretentious. This was an overall good time, and one of the funnier movies I've seen in a while. This doesn't change my mind about Michael Bay as a person, but I'm a firm believer of liking someone's work does not mean you have to like them (see: Tom Cruise, Michael Vick, Chris Benoit). The summer season is upon us, and this film is not long for that season so go and see it when you can. It's a good comedy while also actually having a point, as opposed to a good comedy about three guys who are hung over AGAIN!!! Rocky and Marky Mark are worth the price of admission alone.

Also: Rocky has the most bitching, 90's-est skateboard ever. It's awesome.

And if you need me, I'll be in the gym forever.

Knight Owl