Knight Owl's Review of Jupiter Ascending; Must Love Dogs

I asked for an original genre film. Be careful what you wish for.

I'm not sure why, but I had hopes for this movie. I guess there are a couple reasons. Firstly, my hope for original work is everlasting, and Jupiter proudly brandished the claim of originality. The look of the film as per the trailers was unique and beautiful. I'm a big fan of Channing Tatum, or at least a certain version of him. Mostly though, I want to believe that the Siblings Wachowski are more than a one-trick pony. Their reputation are built upon the back of The Matrix which was a renovation of sci-fi/action films, and equally tainted by that film's sequels. They've done some things since the facepalmingly bad conclusion to the Matrix Trilogy, such as the screenplay for the amazing V For Vendetta and directing 2012's artful but never fucking ending Cloud Atlas, but the siblings will forever be known for the adventures of Neo and company, for better or worse. I legitimately hoped that Jupiter would, in one way or another, be the next big thing for a couple of talented film makers only held adrift by a 15-year old Keanu Reeves vehicle.

I was wrong. Very wrong.

Instead of getting the original, groundbreaking film I was promised/hoped for, I was given two hours of recycled material on an unfamiliar background. I could have told you how this film ended before the opening credits finished, but I wouldn't have to because you've seen this movie before. Everyone was. It's Space Opera 101, the same fantasy film formula that emerged from the 1980's with Star Wars, Willow, Labyrinth and the like. Only less interesting (because those movies are over 30 god damn years old), failing to hide behind a pretty presentation, and has more bestiality jokes. Seriously.

"I have more in common with a dog than with you."
"I love dogs."
"NOPE."

One thing I don't think the Wachowskis can do, talented as they might be, is conjure a good performance out of their actors. If ever there was an overwhelming example of this, it's Jupiter Ascending. Mila Kunis is so bland in this, which is tough to say because she is damn charming most f the time. There is a spark of that in her performance, but the words she is forced to say in this film choke the charm out of her. I felt bad for her character right out of the gate for being named Jupiter, and that feeling worsened as I realized she's a god damn idiot.

And then we have Eddie Redmayne, currently nominated for a Best Actor Oscar for the Stephen Hawking biopic, overacting his ass off. I really hope the decision makers behind the Academy awards don't watch this movie until after the Oscars, just to give this poor asshole a fair shake. He was SO BAD. Just, Nic Cage in Wicker Man territory level of bad.

But my buddy Channing got me through this movie. Not on purpose though. More often than not, it's the version of Tatum I hate: sullen, overdramatic, unnecessarily serious. Like Kunis, all charisma was torn from him by this horrendous screenplay. But every once in a while, he'd have this look on his face like he just couldn't believe he was doing what he was doing, saying what he was saying. They must have tied his arm to his waist to prevent him from facepalming himself to true death.

Claiming this is an original story is a stretch, but I am more than willing to give credit where it's due. First, I said it looked pretty, and it sure did. The many glory shots of slow moving spaceships and elaborate alien cities might have extended the film unnecessarily but were a welcome breath of fresh air that weren't accompanied by the film's ridiculous script. Second, while the story is far from original, there are many elements of the background, the setting of the film that are attempts at originality that I did like, absurd as they may be. For the sake of spoiling the film, I won't go into the particulars but I would have been much happier with this film if the setting provided accompanied a better story. I'd much rather see more of what was going on behind the scenes of the universe the film has built than sit through the attention deficit plotline we were given.

It took a minute for me to realize what this film reminded me of, and it hit me. Jupiter Ascending is Avatar. It's a superimposition of a tired story on a shiny new look with blue catpeople, or pointy eared dogpeople in Jupiter's case. It's a film bad enough that it can't even be enjoyed ironically, and that kind of bad movie breaks my heart. The storyline attempts to do too much, moving from one place to the next in a rushed fashion, almost scared to run long. The movie's script was irredeemable, just fucking ridiculous, and at least one of the film's stars seemed to know it. We know that films in this vein can be done well, even great. Guardians of the Galaxy proved it just last year. But Jupiter Ascending has more in common with Twilight than it does with GOTG. The only hope I have now is that this shit heap doesn't make enough money to justify a sequel. I will continue to hope for more original genre films, because this just wasn't one. Not even close.

Knight Owl

Knight Owl's Review of American Sniper; The Further Adventures of Rocket Raccoon

It's Oscar season! A time where movie goers are finally told by people we assume are smarter and better than us what films were actually 'good' from the past year. If you're someone like myself, you either haven't heard of many of the titles nominated, don't live in a place important enough to see the nominated films in a theatrical release, and/or are just pissed that The Lego Movie didn't get nominated for Best Animated Film or whatever. As a film buff/movie geek, I feel a responsibility to make an effort to see the films nominated for the oh so prestigious Academy Awards. Sometimes, my opinion differs greatly from that of the Academy (there's no way 'movie about boy growing up' is better than 'talking raccoon with tree sidekick') but thankfully this is not the case with American Sniper.

Over the past decade or so, the world has been treated to several films and television shows addressing the real world trouble that was the 'war on terror'. Being a fairly oblivious person, I only really know the Coles Notes of the whole thing but I get the gist of it. As it always goes, real life tragedy makes for compelling storytelling, and nothing's won acclaim in film notoriety like films on the war. The Hurt Locker put Jeremy Renner on the map as a mainstream star, and won a bunch of awards including Best Picture and Best Director in Kathryn Bigelow. Her follow up to that was Zero Dark Thirty, a film telling the true story behind the hunting and killing of Osama Bin Laden and was nominated for a good number of Oscars itself. Those are only the most notable examples, of which there are many, and American Sniper looks to be the next film of its kind to gain such high standing. Good, the film deserves it.

The film is based on the true story of Chris Kyle, an American veteran who holds the impressive title of most lethal sniper in 'Mericuh's history. At first, I was hesitant to see the film, as I have gone into films such as this one expecting something along the lines of Hurt Locker or Platoon and being thoroughly disappointed in one way or another. This film was anything but a disappointment. American Sniper is well enough put together that it tells a compelling and empathic story of a normal guy with a natural talent and a self-imposed responsibility to use that talent, while still able to feature some gripping and tense action sequences. And in a world where the last Transformers film was damn near three hours long, to be able to do what American Sniper did in just around two hours is truly remarkable. Kudos to Clint 'Get Off My Lawn' Eastwood for bringing his A-game.

Speaking of A-game, let's talk about Bradley Cooper for a second here. This guy is incredible. Easily one of the most versatile actors we have going right now. He's gone from the asshole in Wedding Crashers to Rocket 'By God' Raccoon, and has been picking up Oscar Noms on the way. This is the third straight year he's been nominated for an Oscar for acting, and if he loses this one not only will I be surprised, but he will be reaching DiCaprio-level status of Oscar denial. The Academy loves a good drastic body change, and Coop pulled off some bulking up for the role of Kyle.

And his everything grew three sizes that day...

What I don't understand about this film is the kind of attention it's getting these days. American Sniper has been plagued with political controversy over the past few weeks, mostly overlooking the movie altogether and jumping into the issue of whether Chris Kyle is a hero or a monster for his actions. It's become very ugly, as these things often do thanks to Twitter and the like. Here's what I think: when I say that this is based on a true story, it should come with an asterisk because in fact it's based on Kyle's autobiography because no film in this world is original anymore. Of course the film is going to paint Kyle in a certain light, and whether it's 100% true or not should be a moot point because a more accurate and detailed look at his experiences and life would 1) be a shitty, hard to follow story; and 2) be long as fuck. As a quiet but opinionated person, I can appreciate either side's approach to the man whose life is reflected in this film, but not liking a man or his actions should not impact an opinion of a film which is at best an adapted truth. It's like how I feel about Tom Cruise: yes, he's batshit insane IRL but does that mean I'm not going to see Edge of Tomorrow a bunch of times? NOPE. At the end of the day, it's a fucking movie, people. And a good one.