Review of Resident Evil: Retribution; A thing about Video Game Movies

At this point, I feel like the Zombie Apocalypse needs to happen in order for Hollywood to get any original ideas for films. That, or the harder drugs need to become socially acceptable again. Think about it: the 70's and 80's were when the drug scene was in its heyday, and that's pretty much when we got the best out of genre films. Truly classic stories. Nowadays we have comic book movies, Pocahontas-with-blue-people, and The Hobbit split into three movies. I think the moment I heard that Lord of the Rings was 'The Trilogy' is when I realized that the classic storytelling of movies was dead and gone. The standard for a classic film has lowered. For example, in no way is The Departed Scorsese's best work, but it's what got him the Oscar.

In case you aren't yet aware, this is a rant. The last review I did was about a film, which was a reboot of another film, which was an adaptation of a comic book, who had the exact same plot as a completely separate foreign action film. Even after typing that, I don't think I have enough bread crumbs to get home. My point of the 'originality is dead' intro is that films are, in general, assumed to be based on something else, with maybe the worst example being the Video Game, and the Resident Evil franchise is no exception.

I'll get to the movie in a minute, but first I need to express my feelings about the Video Game film genre in general, to get you all in the same mindset as I am. I really don't like the aspect of a movie based on a video game for several reasons:

1. Video games are way too long to be adapted into a movie. I'm not saying they shouldn't be long, cuz if you're paying 60 bucks or whatever you should be getting your money's worth; but in no way should a game with 90-hours of running time be made into a two-hour movie. Novels, sure. Comics, even better. Their length is based on the descriptions and details given to the reader. Moving pictures lessen that length by a way lot. With games as long as they are, you're bound to leave important bits out, leading me to my next point...
2. You're either doing a reproduction of the game or you're straying from it, and either way people won't be happy with it. The only reason to see a two-hour adaptation of a game is because you're too lazy to play though it's 90-hour long counterpart (that's totally me). Otherwise, what's the point? You know how it ends. And getting back to the length issue: you know they're just going to leave something out and you're left bitching. Or you're left with a Bourne Legacy issue, where it's the recognizable world of the game but has no business using the name as a title because it has nothing to do with the original work. Bourne Legacy drove me nuts because of that. It would be like having a Legend of Zelda game with the main character being that stupid fish princess from Ocarina of Time. That's bound to piss people off.
3. When did the last truly good Video Game movie come out? Furthermore, how many of these films are pure shit? There are some good-ish movies based on games, and I believe that Resident Evil  is one of them. But let's look at some of the others: Street Figher starring Jean Claude Van Fucking Damme as an American soldier (?) was pretty bad, and Legend of Chun Li was straight up the worst movie ever. Mortal Kombat was alright, but Annhilation was fucking terrible. Super Mario Bros. Dead Or Alive. Double Dragon. The entirety of Uwe Boll's directing career. Really the only other medium that might have a worse record of film adaptations is Anime (for examples, see: Dragonball Z Evolution; The Last Airbender).

So my distaste for video game movies aside, I went to see the new Resident Evil movie. I did this because I do think the series is a fun time at the movies. But here we are, at the FIFTH entry in a series based on an adaptation of something else. Do I think this series should have almost as many entries as Star Wars? Nope, but I digress.

The plot of the film is (unsurprisingly) simple: one small group of good guys must meet up with another group of good guys in a bad guy base, and then get out of said base. Also, base is overrun with zombies. It's fun. Like Dredd, I wasn't expecting much out of the story so I was fine with the premise. Also, it led to a decent spread of action scenes. However, the action scenes throughout this series are typically so pants-on-head retarded that every once in a while I have to sigh and say 'Really?' through clenched teeth. One woman can only flip through the air whilst firing dual submachine guns on full auto so many times before gravity takes hold. 

It's nice that the franchise has given up all hope of being horror films, and did so early on. The first film made it seem like they wanted that feel, and botched it up somewhat. So from the second movie on, it was just ridiculous action with zombies. Other than a nice homage to Dawn of the Dead, this film follows suit, and with some pretty cool looking baddies too. We got some giant pyramid-head looking bastards, Nazi zombies, and the ever present staple of the Resident Evil series, the Licker amongst others. For the most part it looked great, but every once in a while zombies would have this facehugger tentacle crap come out of their mouths that really didn't look right (in every sense). It looked silly, like the vampires in Blade 2 with the faces that open up but worse and obviously CGI. Kinda took away from any high-tension situation they were in. 

Milla Jovovich did her thing once again as this generation's poor man's Ripley, with the shooting of the guns and the flipping and the wire fighting. I just wish (and I know this is really shallow) that she was more attractive. I had no problem watching Kate Beckinsale do her thing in the Underworld movies, but it bugs me in the RE films. The problem with these movies is that the characters are highly disposable, in that they tend to not make it to the next film, so other than Milla's Alice character you don't want to get too attached. Again, this film follows suit. The only other notable appearance is made by Michelle Rodriguez who (spoilers!..no, just kidding) plays the same character she plays in every other movie she's in: semi-hot chick with a 'tude that can kick some ass. Nice to know she's well rounded.

If you've seen the other films in the franchise, see this one, it follows the patterns pretty nicely and sets up for another entry, again looking like more of the same. I'm sure I'll see that one too. It seems as though the RE series fits into that 'Bourne Legacy' category I talked about earlier, where the setting of the game is used, with some characters from the game thrown in for players to remember where they are, but the similarities seem to end there. From what I understand, as I have never played a Resident Evil game, it's all puzzles, jump scares, and running out of ammo. Sounds like The Walking Dead  a boring time to me. I'll stick with the girls who kick high and the guns that NEVER run out of ammo.

Knight Owl